Zephaniah 3:17
17 The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.”
I am starting to get it.
It's just incredible how much I delight over my son...and I'm learning anew daily about the way the Lord delights over me. I thought I got it...until I had Elliott.
Elliott is simply the most delightful being ever created... You know, some people say about their kids, "I don't know how I ever lived without them!" I have a similar sentiment, but mine's a little different... I've always dreamed of having children; I've always known deep down that there were children who were designed to be a part of my family, and in a weird way, I've always longed for them. So I've always kind of lived knowing someone was missing. It's kind of the same as how I longed for my future husband when I was single...I didn't know who he was, but I knew there was a piece of my heart created to love him, and until it did it would always be in a little bit of tension. Once Brian found me, my feeling was not primarily, "How did I ever live without him?" (although I really don't know how I did!) but more: "I knew I always longed for you...I just didn't know "he" was you, and I only wish I could have married you years and years ago...."
And so it is the same with Elliott. In a strange way, I've always known there was a void in my heart for him...I just didn't know that it was shaped like "an Elliott"...like a perfectly, clear-eyed, pure-skinned, tall and skinny baby boy named Elliott. I didn't know this determined, brave, pure, joy-filled little baby was what the perfect puzzle piece looked like that would fill this void. And I know there are more "voids" in my heart...but only God knows how many there are and who they are...Ahh, I can't wait to meet them... But with Elliott I find myself wishing that I could have known him all my life...he simply makes everything more delightful.
But even though I've always loved him in some peculiar way, my love for him grows every single day...It is profound how it grows, and so, so beautiful. With every new dawn, with every new discovery, with every new skill, with every new event...I love him more. I love learning more about who he is...I love discovering the ways that his heart was knit together.It was no different when Elliott grew his very first two teeth.
They started popping through on a Saturday. Sunday and Monday days and nights were all consumed with teething. EB's nose ran constantly and his big eyes were lined with red and filled with tears and his cheeks were blotchy and warm.
And there was something about that face that melted my heart even more than his usually perfect skin and normally vibrant clear blue eyes. He was a little baby boy. A messy, needy little baby boy. And for someone who doesn't typically do well with "needy" people, I was just enamoured with my needier-than-normal little love, and couldn't have been more eager to take care of his every need.
He had just started to reach up for me a few days prior when he wanted me to pick him up. Ahhh...talk about melting my heart! There is nothing greater than to know that you are the one this perfect little boy wants...that you are the one this precious baby needs...he's showing his affection, he's showing his choice. And that choice is me. I can't get enough of it. Though he's been sleeping through the night for a couple of months, for those three teething nights he would wake up crying such a sad, sad, sad cry and couldn't get himself back to sleep. The first night, I went in to try and soothe him in his crib but it wasn't working. He just kept crying that sad, sad cry...like he was in so much pain. But as soon as I picked him up and squeezed him tight, he was okay. And the simplicity of the miracle of that act struck me afresh. Isn't it beautiful? Isn't it beautiful how God created us? That, with an embrace we are comforted.
We were created to be loved.
And there is just no greater honor than to love him. Than to comfort him. Than to tell him he's being so brave and strong. Than to tell him it's all going to be okay. And I'm just so struck by the fact that it's not a burden to get up in the middle of the night to comfort him. I was not annoyed that he was teething and interrupting my precious sleep. Did I try and take a nap those days? Yes. And if I couldn't get a nap in? God provided strength. But that doesn't mean Elliott's inconveniencing my life by teething right now. He can't help it. And, let's not forget that he is my full time job. And this full time job has its breaks, but sometimes it requires work hours in the middle of the night. And that is an honor.
These are my two favorite pictures that show off his hard-earned, brand new two front teeth:
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I still view God as being frustrated as I grow. But daily I am being shown that if He loves me anything like I love Elliott, than He is not frustrated at all. No, no...He is far from frustrated. He is pleased with me. He delights over me. Even when I'm growing and it hurts so badly that all I can do is cry... It is a joy for him to be my Father, and it is a joy for him to scoop me up and embrace me. And as long as I am in His arms, there is no need to cry...
Thankful for the love of my Father today...and thankful for the most wonderful son in the world, whom I have the privilege of delighting over every single day...
(pictures by Eyes To See Photography)
